Friday, June 27, 2008
HELLO(:we have endured one wk of sch!without info overload.may not be updating soon in the coming wks,will try to tag you guys real soon!count me to it!believe or not,im forced to babysit my brother.the biggest trouble he may cause:{ lose the hse key{ break the comp{ break the keyboard{ break the fan's blades{ break the tv remote{ break the phone{ break his radio{ break his rm door{ break my rm door{ break my sister's crystal{ fall down in the toilet{ leave food for the ants......100% true;most happen b4,others nearlysee why i need to babysit him?
how can one be capable of such lies,deceptions,premediated evil acts and much more..
why cnt one be true?what is the point of saying something when you mean it?what is point of saying when people are supposed to second guess you?!perhaps there was never a us,it was always you and me..i have never believed some words cn be said only in a pique..i think im at the top of a mountain..where i cn only see shadows..torn apart between whether thy are friends..or enemies..or in a tunnel..where it is no end at all..just darkness..utter darkness..perhaps it is true that no one cn hurt you unless you let him..how ironic,how cn you make a right choice when there is only one?not saying no is never the same as saying yes..my heart's deepest cry is always missed by you..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
i am sick to the core that he is throwing his tantrums again.does it mean that i do not voice my opinion i agree that it is the right thing to do?does it mean that i tolerate you i let you hurt me again?why is it that i always let myself be hurt by him..he is my brother..someone who is supposed to care for me..not hurt me..just what did i do wrong..to be hurt verbally by an insensitive brother?why do i let myself be so vulnerable in front of him..are sisters there to let their brothers hurt?to be treated like a toy?when i am angry i hit you;when i am happy i play with you?
why do you deserve a second chance?it is so painfully and blatantly obvious that you do not learn..you only learn what will hurt me,and the next time you throw me back the hurt,much stronger than the previous..why do you always lead me to think that this time,really this time,you learnt your lesson..and the next minute i am smacked back into the cruel reality..why is it that whenever after you hurt me,you act as if nothing has happened?why is it whenever i have hurt you,i feel as guilty as hell?
why is it that this month is set aside for a vacation,a break,yet teachers set so many things for us to do?if so,why do they even set this month aside for?this holiday practically becomes an irregular school days.and since it is called june holidays,do we not get to enjoy ourselves?before the new semester starts and homework,assignments and tests start to pile?
i am truly sick and tired of my life..when will people start to understand i am not an angel who has great results?who feels loved?who is perfect in nearly every ways?all i need is understanding..yet it seems to be the hardest thing ever to ask for..
when will you all realise that behind that smile is a girl who is hurting?smiling does not necessarily mean that i am enjoying myself..why do you all assume?i cannot help it that i have a brother who makes my life hell..i seek comfort in you all..yet all you did was to compare..that hurts nearly as much..who says rocks and pebbles can hurt me but words cannot..i cannot help it that i have a stepsister who cares for me instead of planning to murder me..i cannot help it that her mother and my father divorce..and that i was born the first year of my parents' marriage..i cannot help it that my mother will choose not to give birth to me at all if it is not 1993 but in the early years..i cannot help it that my family is so complicated that it gives me the headache..there is this aunt who only appears when she needs money..she shamelessly borrows money without returning despite the earlier promises even when she borrowed from a sibling who was injured..even her mother who was suffering from cancer..after my grandmother died,she has never appeared other than her funeral..where she just goes around ordering people around but doing nothing herself..aunties and uncles tolerated her because it was their mother's funeral..now she does not even appear during chinese new year,let alone my grandfather's birthday or father's day..and how i know all these and much more?when i was in the backseat trying to sleep and my parents thought i was asleep and was not able to understand cantonese..and my mother talked until she cried..i rather i do not know all these ugly truth about my relatives..about my aunties and uncles..i cannot help it that my surname is like that..i do not deserve to get mocked at..do i?i cannot help it that my life is like that..why do people like to make life difficult for me?is this just life?
why can't life be simple?not so complicated?why do family members treat each other with business-like politeness?why do people mean not what they say?why do people want to hurt each other?don't tell me people derive happiness from that?why do people only do things that will benefit them?why?WHY?because this is life?because adam and eve succumb to temptation?what is the root?what is the answer to all those questions..
JUST WHY CAN'T PEOPLE BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?
i am going to give up..really..what matters most?appearance or the heart?maybe my definition of friends is very different from yours..i have tried giving us a chance..but you all just bust it.why do i bother hanging on?holding on?when i know perfectly well nothing could have come out of it..and when i will only be the one hurting..why had fate done such a cruel thing to me..letting me drop all the way down..
i did not know i was so pathetic until i read what i have just post..i think if some psychologists read this,they may think that i am a suicidal case..
tomorrow when i wake up,on my way to school,i will tell and delude myself that everything is alright and fine as long as i have a positive attitude,outlook,perceptive and all those bullshit.and then i will go home,do my homework,read my books,have my meals and wait for the day to past..and till school reopens and i have other matters to busy myself with..
and one day when you ask me why do i bury myself in so many romance novels,my answer will be to delude myself to believe that there is still happy endings..
OH STUPID MONKEY!!!
WHY DID YOU STEAL MY CLOTHES&INFLATABLE PILLOW&RIP OPEN MY PLASTIC BAG!
SAID THAT YOU ONLY TAKE FOOD,DID MY CLOTHES SMELL LIKE FOOD TO YOU!
UGH.MY GUIDES TEE&PE PANTS!
DAMNED TO THE LONG-TAIL MACAQUE!):
e exact set of clothes i wore to e freshwater swampforest.
did e clothes smell fresh or muddy to you?
&e clothes is surely not your size!whoever who told me they took it cos it was their size?!
im givin u a rather bias summary of what happend durin e camp at mawai lamar:
-/e place is..uh primitive?LOL.nature and all.no doors at all except e toilet.
-/e toilet.omg some cnt flush!!!and ant-lish!e min me and gab step in,we were attackd by mentally unstable troops of ants.so many!
-/e food there is..well quite nice.just dont know why she love cookin mutton so much.LOL and poor gab has to finish a bowl of pineapple curry cos no one else want to eat.
-/freshwater swampforest.first thing first freshwater doesnt mean water is clean,just meant it is habitually wet,non-porous.infact,it is very muddy!mud all e way to my knee and u cn get stuck in e mud!
not to mention e presence of LEECHES!yuckks.but i wasnt a victim.jonathon e crazy&lame guy actually wantd to hv a leech on his leg.but i was surely a victim of ants and mosquitoes.wait till you see our legs.
-/bathtime!!woots e toilet is so dark u ll need a torch despite e presence of a lamp.and be careful of ur stuff,if u drop them into e holes betw e planks,jackpot!u ll nvr gt them back.ant talk abt eerie toilets.
-/imagine sleeping on a piece of cloth tied on poles and beams.imagine every movement u make ppl cn feel it.and gigantic bees/beetles flyin ard.and e sound of nature.
-/mountain climbing.quite fun.300m.like obstacle course,ask ms ng for videos of more dangerous obstacles.she just love takin videos.on e way back hv to cross a river.what kind of river is that!!it cn easily reach over my head if i wasnt supportd by one of e trainer!damn,why m i so short.
-/water obstacle course.cnt play cos my leg pain.of all e days.every single one of them got wet.all landed in e water(:poor gab gt bruises all over her leg,includin her stomach.hell u must be thinkin what kindof obstacle course is that!
tags!(:
yt:no worry!i know u din do it on purpose!
passby:given that my camera phone has this weird function that captures photos laterally inverted and no cables to connect to e comp&no dig camera for me to use cos apparently they blame me for e problems e camera ltr on encountered.how do u expect me to put photos?furthermore i blog not to make me blog interestin?and my life is borin,whats e use of makin it a wee-bit more interestin?not like ppl ll be interestd in this meaningless,boring world of mine.no offense meant.
gab:WA surprisd not!LOL.
wm:that sounds so..uh fuyan?LOL im bein way too sensitive.
cy:sure thing uh.
gab:apparently i updatd aft readin life-threatening tags!
wm:see how effective is ur tags?so eee-fficient(:
hl:lemme recap.serious?cant rmb.well blame it on my bro.maybe he was bsid me threatenin to off e comp or sth liddat which explains my curt/terse tag?
[[shall stop here uh.
p.s:stop coming into my life!stop coming into my train of thoughts!
Friday, June 27, 2008
HELLO(:we have endured one wk of sch!without info overload.may not be updating soon in the coming wks,will try to tag you guys real soon!count me to it!believe or not,im forced to babysit my brother.the biggest trouble he may cause:{ lose the hse key{ break the comp{ break the keyboard{ break the fan's blades{ break the tv remote{ break the phone{ break his radio{ break his rm door{ break my rm door{ break my sister's crystal{ fall down in the toilet{ leave food for the ants......100% true;most happen b4,others nearlysee why i need to babysit him?
how can one be capable of such lies,deceptions,premediated evil acts and much more..
why cnt one be true?what is the point of saying something when you mean it?what is point of saying when people are supposed to second guess you?!perhaps there was never a us,it was always you and me..i have never believed some words cn be said only in a pique..i think im at the top of a mountain..where i cn only see shadows..torn apart between whether thy are friends..or enemies..or in a tunnel..where it is no end at all..just darkness..utter darkness..perhaps it is true that no one cn hurt you unless you let him..how ironic,how cn you make a right choice when there is only one?not saying no is never the same as saying yes..my heart's deepest cry is always missed by you..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
i am sick to the core that he is throwing his tantrums again.does it mean that i do not voice my opinion i agree that it is the right thing to do?does it mean that i tolerate you i let you hurt me again?why is it that i always let myself be hurt by him..he is my brother..someone who is supposed to care for me..not hurt me..just what did i do wrong..to be hurt verbally by an insensitive brother?why do i let myself be so vulnerable in front of him..are sisters there to let their brothers hurt?to be treated like a toy?when i am angry i hit you;when i am happy i play with you?
why do you deserve a second chance?it is so painfully and blatantly obvious that you do not learn..you only learn what will hurt me,and the next time you throw me back the hurt,much stronger than the previous..why do you always lead me to think that this time,really this time,you learnt your lesson..and the next minute i am smacked back into the cruel reality..why is it that whenever after you hurt me,you act as if nothing has happened?why is it whenever i have hurt you,i feel as guilty as hell?
why is it that this month is set aside for a vacation,a break,yet teachers set so many things for us to do?if so,why do they even set this month aside for?this holiday practically becomes an irregular school days.and since it is called june holidays,do we not get to enjoy ourselves?before the new semester starts and homework,assignments and tests start to pile?
i am truly sick and tired of my life..when will people start to understand i am not an angel who has great results?who feels loved?who is perfect in nearly every ways?all i need is understanding..yet it seems to be the hardest thing ever to ask for..
when will you all realise that behind that smile is a girl who is hurting?smiling does not necessarily mean that i am enjoying myself..why do you all assume?i cannot help it that i have a brother who makes my life hell..i seek comfort in you all..yet all you did was to compare..that hurts nearly as much..who says rocks and pebbles can hurt me but words cannot..i cannot help it that i have a stepsister who cares for me instead of planning to murder me..i cannot help it that her mother and my father divorce..and that i was born the first year of my parents' marriage..i cannot help it that my mother will choose not to give birth to me at all if it is not 1993 but in the early years..i cannot help it that my family is so complicated that it gives me the headache..there is this aunt who only appears when she needs money..she shamelessly borrows money without returning despite the earlier promises even when she borrowed from a sibling who was injured..even her mother who was suffering from cancer..after my grandmother died,she has never appeared other than her funeral..where she just goes around ordering people around but doing nothing herself..aunties and uncles tolerated her because it was their mother's funeral..now she does not even appear during chinese new year,let alone my grandfather's birthday or father's day..and how i know all these and much more?when i was in the backseat trying to sleep and my parents thought i was asleep and was not able to understand cantonese..and my mother talked until she cried..i rather i do not know all these ugly truth about my relatives..about my aunties and uncles..i cannot help it that my surname is like that..i do not deserve to get mocked at..do i?i cannot help it that my life is like that..why do people like to make life difficult for me?is this just life?
why can't life be simple?not so complicated?why do family members treat each other with business-like politeness?why do people mean not what they say?why do people want to hurt each other?don't tell me people derive happiness from that?why do people only do things that will benefit them?why?WHY?because this is life?because adam and eve succumb to temptation?what is the root?what is the answer to all those questions..
JUST WHY CAN'T PEOPLE BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?
i am going to give up..really..what matters most?appearance or the heart?maybe my definition of friends is very different from yours..i have tried giving us a chance..but you all just bust it.why do i bother hanging on?holding on?when i know perfectly well nothing could have come out of it..and when i will only be the one hurting..why had fate done such a cruel thing to me..letting me drop all the way down..
i did not know i was so pathetic until i read what i have just post..i think if some psychologists read this,they may think that i am a suicidal case..
tomorrow when i wake up,on my way to school,i will tell and delude myself that everything is alright and fine as long as i have a positive attitude,outlook,perceptive and all those bullshit.and then i will go home,do my homework,read my books,have my meals and wait for the day to past..and till school reopens and i have other matters to busy myself with..
and one day when you ask me why do i bury myself in so many romance novels,my answer will be to delude myself to believe that there is still happy endings..
OH STUPID MONKEY!!!
WHY DID YOU STEAL MY CLOTHES&INFLATABLE PILLOW&RIP OPEN MY PLASTIC BAG!
SAID THAT YOU ONLY TAKE FOOD,DID MY CLOTHES SMELL LIKE FOOD TO YOU!
UGH.MY GUIDES TEE&PE PANTS!
DAMNED TO THE LONG-TAIL MACAQUE!):
e exact set of clothes i wore to e freshwater swampforest.
did e clothes smell fresh or muddy to you?
&e clothes is surely not your size!whoever who told me they took it cos it was their size?!
im givin u a rather bias summary of what happend durin e camp at mawai lamar:
-/e place is..uh primitive?LOL.nature and all.no doors at all except e toilet.
-/e toilet.omg some cnt flush!!!and ant-lish!e min me and gab step in,we were attackd by mentally unstable troops of ants.so many!
-/e food there is..well quite nice.just dont know why she love cookin mutton so much.LOL and poor gab has to finish a bowl of pineapple curry cos no one else want to eat.
-/freshwater swampforest.first thing first freshwater doesnt mean water is clean,just meant it is habitually wet,non-porous.infact,it is very muddy!mud all e way to my knee and u cn get stuck in e mud!
not to mention e presence of LEECHES!yuckks.but i wasnt a victim.jonathon e crazy&lame guy actually wantd to hv a leech on his leg.but i was surely a victim of ants and mosquitoes.wait till you see our legs.
-/bathtime!!woots e toilet is so dark u ll need a torch despite e presence of a lamp.and be careful of ur stuff,if u drop them into e holes betw e planks,jackpot!u ll nvr gt them back.ant talk abt eerie toilets.
-/imagine sleeping on a piece of cloth tied on poles and beams.imagine every movement u make ppl cn feel it.and gigantic bees/beetles flyin ard.and e sound of nature.
-/mountain climbing.quite fun.300m.like obstacle course,ask ms ng for videos of more dangerous obstacles.she just love takin videos.on e way back hv to cross a river.what kind of river is that!!it cn easily reach over my head if i wasnt supportd by one of e trainer!damn,why m i so short.
-/water obstacle course.cnt play cos my leg pain.of all e days.every single one of them got wet.all landed in e water(:poor gab gt bruises all over her leg,includin her stomach.hell u must be thinkin what kindof obstacle course is that!
tags!(:
yt:no worry!i know u din do it on purpose!
passby:given that my camera phone has this weird function that captures photos laterally inverted and no cables to connect to e comp&no dig camera for me to use cos apparently they blame me for e problems e camera ltr on encountered.how do u expect me to put photos?furthermore i blog not to make me blog interestin?and my life is borin,whats e use of makin it a wee-bit more interestin?not like ppl ll be interestd in this meaningless,boring world of mine.no offense meant.
gab:WA surprisd not!LOL.
wm:that sounds so..uh fuyan?LOL im bein way too sensitive.
cy:sure thing uh.
gab:apparently i updatd aft readin life-threatening tags!
wm:see how effective is ur tags?so eee-fficient(:
hl:lemme recap.serious?cant rmb.well blame it on my bro.maybe he was bsid me threatenin to off e comp or sth liddat which explains my curt/terse tag?
[[shall stop here uh.
p.s:stop coming into my life!stop coming into my train of thoughts!
Biography
The typical teenage
Huo Huiqing.
hws
gmss
nyjc
17october1993
The Helping Hand
Seek, and you will find.
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
- Psalm 46:1
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